My husband was the third of three sons but early in our relationship I remember hearing about two "lost" babies - one boy miscarried at 4 months and one born alive at 8 months, Pamela Jean. Over the years I learned that she was born with what I believe was Anophtalmia - a birth defect where a baby is born without one or both eyes. My mother-in-law told me that in addition to having no eyes at birth, she also had heart defects. But other than that, she never talked much about Pamela.
When I started this genealogy journey, I asked my mother-in-law about Pamela's date of birth, death, burial, etc., and she said she didn't know. She thought it was somewhere between the years of 1951 and 1955 since that's when two of her sons were born. But nothing else.
As I started researching, I stumbled upon information for Pamela. Date of birth was 22 May 1952 and after a short life of just 54 minutes, she died at 8:20 a.m.
I find it interesting that the cause of death is not listed. Is that common to not have that on a death certificate?
And from the death certificate I found her burial place - Alta Mesa Cemetery - and after an e-mail exchange with a cemetery employee, I learned that she was cremated and placed in Community Niche A, Ct. of the Stars #2 in Mausoleum #2.
When I told my mother-in-law about this information, she was stunned as she said at the time of death she told her husband to take care of the arrangements but either apparently never asked, or didn't remember, where she was interred.
So Pamela Jean Ast, you have not been forgotten. RIP, sweet baby.
I remember. Ron's family (pre-Ron) and my family lived in the two halves of the same duplex, across the street from my grandparents. I remember asking my mom why everyone was upset (not a 4th grader's words, for sure), and she told me something very sad had happened and just to be quiet around the adults. It was YEARS later before I learned about Pamela, and you're right — nobody talked about her. The only thing I can figure out now is that the loss of the baby was so traumatic, they just didn't want to deal with the emotions. ~~ My aunt and uncle already had 2 healthy boys, and my bro and I had great fun with our little cousins, especially when our grandparents threw their super fun friends-n-family parties! (I seem to be reflecting on the past a lot, these days.)
ReplyDeleteYou've had a lot going on the last few weeks/months, Marilynn, so I understand why you're reflecting on the past. It's interesting to hear that no one talked about Pamela even back then.
DeleteI find it very telling that your MIL did not remember the date of her daughter's birth and death. She obviously has repressed this whole memory because it's rather hard to believe that a mother would not remember the exact day let alone the year in which she gave birth.
ReplyDeleteWhat a tragic story.
There were many problems in the marriage during that time which didn't help.
DeleteHow sad---perhaps exacerbated by the child's death.
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